In the world of family business, there’s often a constant push to keep things moving—day in and day out. We focus on achieving quarterly goals, expanding operations, or managing family dynamics. We believe that by “doing more” and working harder, we’ll resolve conflicts, grow the business, and secure a legacy for future generations.

But many family businesses find that, despite reaching financial targets or implementing strategies, something feels off. There’s tension in the family, dissatisfaction, or a lack of true alignment. Even after we “succeed,” we find ourselves asking: What’s next? Why aren’t things better? This is a result of operating in what I call the “Doing-Having-Being” model—where we believe that by doing more, we will eventually have success, and then we will finally be fulfilled.

The Problem with the “Doing-Having-Being” Model in Family Business

Family businesses are particularly susceptible to the “Doing-Having-Being” mindset. The typical approach is to focus on actions and results: if we work hard enough, achieve financial growth, and solidify family roles, then the family will be happy, and harmony will prevail.

For example, a family might think:

• “Once we open this new branch, we’ll have more revenue, and then we’ll feel secure.”
• “If we just resolve this sibling conflict, then the family will be at peace.”
• “When the next generation is fully integrated, then we’ll be able to relax.”

But even when these goals are achieved, the underlying unease remains. The reality is that conflicts resurface, family members feel disconnected, and the business might still lack the sense of purpose or shared vision that everyone is longing for.

The Doing-Having-Being model is focused on external results—solving problems, hitting numbers, and ticking boxes—without addressing the internal dynamics that are at the heart of family business success: trust, connection, and aligned purpose.

Why This Model Falls Short in Family Businesses

This relentless focus on “doing” often leads to burnout, frustration, and fractured family relationships. We might solve one issue, only to see another emerge. We achieve financial targets, but the emotional and relational challenges within the family persist. The Doing-Having-Being model assumes that if we can just “do” enough, we’ll finally reach a point where everyone is happy and satisfied.

However, in family businesses, this doesn’t work because true harmony and fulfillment aren’t results that you can achieve through sheer effort. They come from a deeper alignment of values, vision, and relationships—something that doing alone can’t accomplish.

Shifting to the “Being-Doing-Having” Model

So what’s the alternative? Rather than starting with doing more, the “Being-Doing-Having” model flips the focus. Instead of thinking “Once we do enough, we’ll be successful and happy,” we begin with who we want to be as a family and as leaders, and let actions flow from that place.

Imagine shifting from:

• “We need to solve this conflict to have a peaceful family,” to
• “Out stand is that of a  connected and trusting family, and from that place, we will address our challenges.”

In this model, the family’s way of being comes first—whether it’s being more open, trusting, or unified. From that state of being, decisions and actions follow naturally, without the pressure of external results being the only marker of success.

How to Access a “Being” State in Family Business

It’s easy to understand this concept, but in the fast-paced, high-stakes world of family business, how do you actually access this state of being? How can you move from constant problem-solving to a place of alignment and connection?

Here are a few practical ways to bring “being” into your family business:

1. Clarify Your Family Values and Vision
   Take time to reflect on the values that are most important to your family. Who do you want to be as a family, beyond just running the business? What is the bigger purpose that connects everyone? Holding regular family meetings to discuss these values helps align the family’s way of being with the actions you take in the business.
2. Set a Family Intention
   Before diving into business strategies, pause as a family to ask: Who do we want to be in this moment? Whether it’s being patient, collaborative, or empathetic, setting a family-wide intention allows you to approach problems from a place of unity, rather than from a reactive or defensive stance.
3. Foster Open Communication
   Authentic communication is key to accessing a state of “being.” Make space for every family member’s voice to be heard—not just in terms of business decisions, but in terms of personal feelings and aspirations. When family members feel heard and understood, the energy of the business shifts from survival mode to collaboration.
4. Embrace Emotional Intelligence
   Families in business often face emotional undercurrents that can’t be resolved through practical business solutions. Practice emotional intelligence by being aware of how feelings, such as frustration or fear, may be influencing decisions. By addressing these emotions openly, you create space for the family to operate from a place of clarity and trust.
5. Focus on Presence
   In family business meetings or discussions, practice being fully present. Put aside distractions and focus on listening deeply to one another. This presence creates a sense of connection and respect, even when tackling difficult conversations or decisions.

The Power of Being in Family Businesses

The “Being-Doing-Having” model shifts the focus from fixing problems to creating alignment within the family. When your actions come from a place of connection, trust, and purpose, you’re not just managing crises—you’re building a legacy. You’re ensuring that the family dynamic and the business are grounded in shared values that will last for generations.

This approach doesn’t mean you stop addressing challenges or setting goals. It means that those actions are rooted in a deeper sense of purpose, not just the external pressure to perform. The family’s strength, unity, and vision become the foundation for everything you do, leading to more sustainable success and satisfaction.

Conclusion

In family businesses, the Doing-Having-Being model may help you survive, but it won’t help you thrive. It keeps the family in a loop of constant problem-solving, where achievements feel hollow and conflicts never truly resolve. By shifting to the “Being-Doing-Having” model, you focus on who your family wants to be, and let everything else flow from that place of alignment.

So the next time you face a business challenge or family conflict, ask yourselves: Who do we want to be as a family in this moment? And let that guide your actions and decisions.