Values are there whether we define them or not. Many people say we don´t have core values in our company. Oh yes you do. They are operating in the background.

Let´s look at the Oxford definition of values:

principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.

This implies that values shape behavior.

If you have not defined them, the default explicit values are still running the show.

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Examples of survival based values disguised as core values

Many times, we think we are operating from our real core values when in reality we are subconsciously operating from survival.

What also does not help is everyone else around us is doing the same thing. So the blind leads the blind.

Below are a just a few examples of how this could show up:

– If you find yourself talking about your colleagues or family and subtly judging them, then your value can be gossip or ¨making others wrong¨ dressed up as caring

– If you pride yourself on being “the high performer” but subtly judge others who don´t ¨put in the work¨, your value can be worth through sacrifice, dressed up as dedication.

– If you constantly say “yes” to new tasks but silently feel overwhelmed and resentful, then your value can be conflict avoidance, dressed up as being helpful and committed.

– If you avoid giving direct feedback and instead hope people will “get the hint,” then your value can be comfort over clarity, dressed up as being kind and respectful.

– If you find yourself putting up with people who are not committed to your work, then value can be responsibility avoidance dressed up as being understanding.

– If you find yourself micromanaging every single task of others, then your value can be lack of trust disguised as perfection or excellence.

– If you shut down emotionally when things get tense and say “it’s not personal, it’s business,” your value can be disconnection as a strategy for control, dressed up as being practical.

– If you sugarcoat or spin your messaging to be more palatable, your value can be people pleasing, dressed up as diplomacy.

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¨If you find yourself talking about your colleagues or family and subtly judging them, then your value can be  gossip  or ¨making others wrong¨ dressed up as caring ¨

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When values are not defined from our natural human element, it is only natural that what shows up are the values from our default survival patterns, past, opinions, judgement.

It sounds bad but there is actually nothing wrong with these ¨survival values¨.

They get results. As a matter of facts some of the greatest achievements were built on these survival based values. Although I wasn´t there to witness them, the pyramids surely weren´t built from the values of care, love, and respect. They were more likely constructed from fear, dominance, hierarchy, and control. Although they look stunning, they did have a cost. This cost is easy to reflect on now but hard to reflect on when we do the same thing in our day to day lives.

Some of these survival based values I saw first hand in myself and others when I was doing my MBA at IESE and even in the few months on my exchange at  Yale. In my IESE classes which use the case method, when the students raised their hand to answer the question, many times what we really wanted was the teacher´s or the other student´s approval to look smart instead of really contributing to the class. In those moments the value was ¨looking smart In front of others¨ dressed up as ¨being a contribution¨. In some cases, it wasn´t even dressed up. We knew that we were operating it from our survival based values and we still chose to go ahead with it.

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¨Survival based values get results….. the pyramids surely weren´t built from the values of care, love, and respect. It was more like: fear, dominance, hierarchy, and control…. and they look great! but then there is a cost..¨

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Why do we resort to survival based values? 

Many of us are aware of that we need to operate from core values and yet we resort to survival based values. Without engaging in an endless philosophical debate, if we simply look, we will see 3 main reasons:

1. We think core human values are fluff.

One common reason is that natural human values are looked as fluff, impractical and hard to implement. This comes from decades of failed culture transformation initiatives and constant inconsistency of managers and founders between what they say and what they do (as we have seen in the examples above). We have all been around a family member, boss, or a politician who preached upon us their higher ideals and human values only to act from survival based values. Therefore, it is natural that with time we become resigned and cynical about this ¨fluff¨ and get down to ¨real business¨ i.e. survival based values.

2. We don’t believe there are better options.

Another reason is that we think that we don´t have any other options. We say things like ¨I have to be controlling otherwise nothing will get done¨ or ¨I am not complaining but it is just frustrating to work with them¨ or ¨I have to do all the work around here because they don´t have the same standard of performance that I have¨.  When we have that context of the world, usually shaped by an invisible blind spot that filters our perception, it is normal that we resort to survival based values to manage and get managed.

3. We do not fully see or know the impact of survival based values

The third and perhaps core reason we continue to operate in survival based values is that we simply don´t see the impact. We are literally blind to it or more accurately ¨numb¨ to it. We don´t see the impact in its totality although we say we do. When we say things that ¨I know I should be more understanding but it´s just…..¨, what this really means is that we don´t actually know that ¨we need to be more understanding¨. We know it intellectually through a concept or idea that we heard on Linkedin or through a book that  but we don´t experientially really know.  More importantly, we don´t know the full impact on our lives of operating from the survival based values. What we really know is that this way of operating will get results and it may not be the best but oh well it works.

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Moving from Survival to Core Values

Understanding and fully feeling the impact will have us see the full reality of operating in survival based values. It is not always easy to see, and many times, utilizing an expert coach who is sensitive enough to this can accelerate this process. However, through some structured reflection you can begin to see the total impact of operating in survival. Survival based values are like a manufacturing company dumping all the waste into the sea: it gets the house clean but it contaminates the water they drink. Until you see both the clean house and the contaminated water, there is no real reason to change other than that ¨it is a good idea¨.

Let´s walk through a common scenario. Say that you are frustrated that people in the company don´t listen to you. You feel that you are not being heard. You occasionally complain (although you don´t call it complaining) to your partner or friend about how toxic the culture is at work.

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¨..Survival based values are like a manufacturing company dumping all the waste into the sea: it gets the house clean but it contaminates the water they drink…¨

The first step is to determine what values are you (not the company) are operating in. If you look at the ¨if you… then¨  you might get a few hints depending on the situation. Here you can look,

• Who are you being when you talk about the company, colleague, family business member? Frustrated? Resigned? Judgy? A victim of the culture?
• What conversations or actions are you avoiding?
• What do you not want them to find out?
• What personal desire are you suppressing?

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Case Study: Investigating a common scenario

A client I worked with who worked for a top tier consulting firm constantly mentioned that they ¨used him and overworked him to death¨. He was traveling 5 days a week and working a minimum of 12 hour days.  When I asked him, why don´t you quit or apply for different positions?, He said  “I mean, I could… but what if I don’t find something better?  It is too risky to throw it all away. I will get promoted next year and that will look good on my resume¨

In that moment, his survival-based value became crystal clear: status and societal approval dressed up as loyalty and perseverance. His survival based value was being ¨the loyal career driven guy¨ who gets the brand names, no gaps on the resume and impresses the recruiter and his environment.

It is natural for the human mind reading this to judge or deny this but if you really look, we all do this for one of the 3 reasons mentioned before.

Now it was time to look at the impact. The impact of being ¨the good kid¨ was costing him his natural vitality. His life revolved around looking forward to trips and getting a few ¨good jobs¨ from the boss. Most of the time, he was resigned, uncertain and disconnected from what he really wanted to do. He felt that deep down he wanted to do more and show up differently. He was really avoiding the fear, uncertainty and messy process of pursuing what matters to him. When I asked him the classic question ¨what would you do if money weren’t a problem?¨, the energy shifted and he started sharing about how he appreciates the art and design in architecture. At this point, his real human core value became clear: creativity and expression. The cost of being ¨the good kid¨ was costing him his creativity and expression.

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From Happy Ending to Value Based Ending

I know what you are thinking: ¨A this point he quit his job and became an artist and lived happily ever after¨..

Not exactly. It was simpler than that. Becoming awake to the impact of operating from survival, gave him a choice to step into his core value of creativity. The change was subtle. He started becoming more creative and expressive in his presentations. He treated his presentations like works of art—wanting people to leave inspired and lighter. He would insert jokes in the presentation and see if people can laugh. The job didn´t change. It was still the same culture but how he showed up changed. Only later, he decided to quit and explore the option of starting his own consulting company with a design twist. But he did it out of inspiration and not to escape his situation at the time.

 This is not simply a change in mindset, positive thinking, or another ¨reframing exercise¨, it was a daily choice to live in line with his core values. The same applies to companies on a macro-level. They can choose to operate from survival based values but once they see the impact – and usually the impact outweighs the benefits – they get presented a choice to step into what we call core or human values.

What about you? What is an area in your company or relationships where you operate from a survival based value? What core value have you buried deep that could change how you show up?

This work isn´t easy and takes humility and courage so feel free to reach out!

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¨It is not simply a change in mindset or positive thinking, it was a daily choice to live in line with his core values and recognizing that survival based values will always be waiting around the corner¨

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